Updated: Aug 11, 2020
The number of times I have thought about writing this post and deleted it. I then asked myself, why do I want to share this as I am not just sharing my journey but Mr. S's as well. I want to raise some kind of awareness, more so in the Asian community where fertility is taboo. What was stopping me was being judged, but I thought if you read this and decide to gossip then that says more about you. I have already seen the support I am getting and it really has been overwhelming.
So here goes.....they say 1 in 4 women will miscarry and I have been that 1 in 4 three times, so the odds are really against me. I will always remember the first, second and third time when we were told at my scan there is no heartbeat. I am carrying what we believe to be our baby but sadly the pregnancies had ended, it never gets any easier when you are told that.
When I started this journey I wish I knew what I know now then. Which is why I want to reach out to anyone who is on this journey, please don't feel as if you are alone. It's hard telling people as it's all so personal but as I started to open up, the support has been amazing.
Your support brings you back on track when you are feeling lost and they really do carry you when you feel as if you can't even get out of bed. I don't have a priority list of who I tell, as the situation presents itself I may or may not talk about it. If you read this and think why I didn't tell you please don't get offended, I don't know why.
One thing I want to say is when you hear your mum, aunt or anyone ask another woman (that person could even be you) 'when are you having kids?' or 'why have you not had any kids?' STOP them. You have NO idea what that person is going through. They will smile, maybe respond politely, but inside their heart has just broken into a million pieces again. They are using every ounce in their body to keep standing as they are reminded again of the fact that they are not a parent. I have even been asked 'are you not ashamed, that you haven't had kids at your age?' I was surrounded by women and not one person stood up for me. So if you take anything from this post please let it be that you are the person who stands up for someone like me. The Asian community is full of people judging others, let's try and stop this and support one another.
On this journey there are a lot of Dos and Donts, I have done them all to the point where I felt as if I wasn't living. The best Do is, enjoy life be around those who will be honest and support you, when your mind is at peace that is when your body can work at it's best.
I have made an amazing friend while on this journey, my #ivfbuddy. As a couple we are able to support each other, men need the support just as much as women.
I don't know when or how our next chapter will begin, but I am trying to make the most of this one. Yes we holiday, yes we eat out and YES I exercise, these are all the things that give me my enjoyment.
If you know anyone on this journey, please only give them advice if you know what you are talking about (we just need your support). The number of times I've heard you shouldn't exercise, you should rest more, eat more or you are getting old, thanks for the advice Dr!
If you have kids and want to support someone on this journey be mindful.
Everyone says children are the greatest distraction at hard times but sadly this is not one of those struggles where others’ kids can distract you. Sometimes you need undivided time with someone who is able to listen.
An example of what support can look like: One of my support lines will listen to what I have to say (at times, that's all we need). If she doesn't understand something, rather than asking me she will do her own research. It took me by surprise that she took the time out to do that, but it meant everything to me. As she took the time to educate herself rather than telling me stuff she thinks I want to hear.
By giving this example, I am not knocking any of you who are my support line, it all means a lot to me. I am here today because of your support and have had the courage to write this because of you.
If anyone wishes to reach out, I am more than happy to speak to them or be that shoulder. We can never truly appreciate what someone is going through but we can be kind and not judge.
By posting this I have exposed myself and Mr. S, my rock, so feeling nervous and feel as if I may have offended people, this has not been my intention. But what will be, will be. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. #Iwillbefine
Nisha comes from a large Hindu family who are spread across the global. She studied Travel and Tourism at Uni and now works in the service.
She enjoys spinning and is up for any fitness challenge. She loves travelling and her favourite place so far has been Sri Lanka, Uganda and Kenya. Nisha also enjoys eating out; a passion taken on after meeting my husband.